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Imagine that you wake up with a list of things to do today and realize that you do not know where you are. To make the problem worse, those around you keep telling you that you are several years older than you believe you are, that you don't have to do those pressing things you believe are so important, and that you live in a nursing home now. This confusion is compounded by visitors who claim to be friends and relatives you do not recognize. This is a small idea of what the victim of Alzheimer's may go through.
Alzheimer's Disease is a disorder which robs its victim of memory, starting with the most recent memories and working its way back to older and older ones. An early stage victim may be "forgetful" at times, not remembering where he or she put their keys, for instance, but as the disease progresses, whole days or weeks may be forgotten until a later stage victim believes that it is some other time in the past and is confused or angered by their inability to live life as they may have in that particular era. This is usually the time when Long Term Care is sought, and families and friends become frustrated because it is difficult to visit someone who doesn't recognize you or doesn't seem to have a grasp on what day or year it is. The old relationship styles are often lost, unfortunately, but rewarding times can still be spent together.
One tip is to never try to argue with an Alzheimer's victim and try to bring him or her to the present. It may lead to more confusion and/or an angry reaction. If your father states, for example, "I have to go to work now", a more effective response may be to say something like "You don't have to go this minute, tell me how things are going at the shop". Listen to the answers and be supportive, as you would if the stories told were recent and not years ago. For the Alzheimer's victim, these things related really DID happen yesterday.
Another tip is to bring something to share that has some sentimental tie to it. Photo albums are excellent sources of conversation, even if the Alzeheimer's victim doesn't recognize the people in the photos. Grandma may think that the grandchildren are really her children, and if we think about it, this is not too hard to understand. Our children may look very similar to us at our age. "Tell me about your children" may yield more fruitful conversations than trying to correct the person.
Music is another great thing to share. Remembering that we personally feel closest to the music we listened to in our early adulthood, on the average, bring in something from the Alzheimer's Victim's early adulthood. The song that they danced to at the senior prom, the songs they listened to at the USO show, all of these yield conversation fodder and bring the Alzheimer's Victim to a place he or she is familiar with.
Most nursing homes will allow you to bring in food treats, but it is advisable to check with the patient's diet plan to see if they can have that favorite treat. The coffee ice cream soda that he or she hasn't tasted for years can bring pleasure in a swallow.
Remember that these people may not remember 20 minutes after you leave that you've been there at all or that you've visited them. This makes the appreciation of the moment at hand crucial. The smile, the hug, the warm handshake was just as real when it happened. You are building memories for yourself of a loved one who seems harder to reach, but who can be and still is a part of your life.
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